anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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