Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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