i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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