Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
