I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
