i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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