so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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