if you like me you must not know who I am
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
