Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
