i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
