a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
