my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
