Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
