he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
