If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize