So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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