The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
