It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
