apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
