it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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