i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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