I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize