if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
