My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize