One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
