I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
