True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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