when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
