Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
