no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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