Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
