After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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