Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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