Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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