My liver just broke up with me...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize