I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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