I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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