god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So squirting runs in the family.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
