Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
