I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
