I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
