I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
