I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Blood and glitter go together right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
