dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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