Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize