my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
