You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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