i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
