Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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