Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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