woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
