My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
