Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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