He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize