TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
