were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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