i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize