What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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