Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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