Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
