At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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